8:37 AM

Futile Permutations

Futile Permutations

Thing is,

The days she wakes up
With dread for the mirror
And nights crumble away
With never-ending tears.
Because she isn’t-
Because she can’t be-
Because she’ll never be-

And I think about her and
Can’t help wondering;
Not why she’s like that but
Why she feels that way.
Why does she feel shame?
Why so much pain?
Why does she crave to be
Someone she’ll never be?

I think about her anger
And I think about her rage
And I see that girl crying
And wonder why she cares
Wonder why she’s so hell-bent
On a permutation
Into someone else
Which the world will call ‘Beautiful’.

And so it’s our dismal fate.
As we watch the elite of our world
The ones who are ‘beautiful’
The ones who have it all
The ones who receive
All the unending, glorious attention
The ones who are on top
Because they’re just beautiful.

And my heart will not stop
Bleeding verses of anger;
And it will not stop crying
Words of indignant desolation
And it won’t stop wondering
What our world has come to;
And it won’t stop fuming
At how deep the depth of shallowness
Have swallowed who we were meant to be
And turned us into nothing but
Headless, brainless corpses of the ficklest
Vainest, most insubstantial piece of rags
Who see only what they see and who are
What the world needs them to be.

Look good, you get the fame
Look good, you be ‘game’
Look good, you get ‘Hot-damn’
Look good, they crave your name
Look good, they wish to claim
Look good, feel no shame
Look good, entice the tame
Look good- it’s all the same.

Look bad- oh what shame
Look bad- pitied ‘game’
Look bad- they mock your name
Look bad- and you’re to blame
Look bad- and you they maim
Look bad- never claimed.

And I wonder about that girl
And wonder why she cries.
But how can I blame her?
When I am no better, no different, no wiser;
Though I should know better;
Though we should all know better;
Than selling our souls to the game
To Be-
Be seen-


Written by| EmAngster00|

6:50 PM

Unanswered love

Unanswered love

Words that I can't speak
Things that I always keep
Secret hiding in the ocean deep
Only you I wanted to seek

It started with just one hello
And my heart won't let you go
The angelic face I see in you
Can't get out of my head with a single blow

I heard a sound deep within me
Calling your name in a special way
My heart started to race on that day
Can't understand what it wanted to say

How can I tell it to you now?
Even your shadow I can't find somehow
I can't wait the day after tomorrow
To say to you these words: I love you

I want you to hear my solemnly vow
Came deep within my heart, so listen carefully now
This is the right time to let you know
Words like I love you are purely true

I want you to look into my eye
To let you know the truth and lies
Closely, it will tell you how much I officially miss
Someone like you was in my wishlist

In my dream there is you and me
Day after day it's still you that I see
If that sweet dreams will turn into reality
I want to let you know that my love will last till' eternity

Written by Shiela Ambrocio

10:13 PM

How I survived in PASUM

How I survived in PASUM
So, my boss' daughter is entering PASUM this year and he asked me if I have any advice for his daughter. I replied, "Just, enjoy your life there" He then asked me, " How's life in PASUM? Is it tough?" and I answered, "Nope, degree life is harder. Just enjoy your PASUM life"

I've always been wanted to write this kind of survival tips but yeah, *kinda busy? It's been about 3 years since I left PASUM but I would love to say my PASUM life is the most cherished moments I had in my life. If you ask me if I could travel through time, where would I go? I'll definitely answer my PASUM life. Of course, for the first 2-3 weeks, I find it hard to adapt to pre-university life. If you follow my blog since I was in PASUM, you'll be noticed, through my previous posts, how stressed I was in adapting my life there. But eventually, you'll be okay. Surely.

The first week of PASUM, all students must go through orientation week called "Minggu Suai Kenal Pelajar". I don't know about the others, but I don't have any hard time during my orientation week as there were few peoples called "Fasilitator Pelajar" or FP as short to facilitate us for our registration, and these FPs treated us like an adult, so don't worry, there will be no issues with bully etc. You will also learn about our tradition's dances called xi shua shua and gummy bear dances and yes, I still remember their moves. Awh, I kinda miss these moments. Ah, and I remembered, during this week, these FPs always advise us, like almost every night, to success in PASUM, most importantly, you must complete your weekly tutorial. It was like brainwashing to me.

Moving on, how do I study during my PASUM. There were 3 courses offered in PASUM, which is, life science, physical science, and built environment. But my batch was the last batch to have built environment course. So, I took Physical Science course as I wanted to pursue my degree in engineering. Alhamdulillah, I had so many great friends by my side that always remind me to do tutorials and assignments every week. "Ain, jom siapkan tutorial sekarang (in class, when there was no lecturer). Nanti dekat bilik boleh tengok cerita korea 😂" These magical words kinda motivate me. Who doesn't? Hahah. 

hashtag my sayang

For mathematics subjects, our class was divided into few groups (mix boys and girls in a group) and we all have to do group discussion every week to discuss if there were any problems we couldn't solve. Yes, I love my group members. We helped each other a lot not only in Math subjects but also the others subject's tutorial. Just not to be a parasite and freeriding your group members. Physic was the killer subject for us. And the most killer subjects was Physic 4 taught by Prof Abu Bakar (if I am not mistaken hahah) and Puan Ungku. But the key to tackle this subject is always asked your lecturer if you have any doubts and I am glad to Puan Ungku as my Personal Advisor and she was like a mom to me. And she always be the one that I'd refer to if I have any clarification.

During study week, what I did just do past year questions (because UM is famous with their repeating questions lol) at least last two years paper for every subject and a day before the exam, re-do your tutorial.

Alhamdulillah, with such effortless effort and with Allah willing, Allah grants me 4 flat in both semesters and with these results I got offers to pursue my degree in Chemical Engineering at the University of Seafield and University of Nottingham in UK. *celebrates* But, unfortunately, due to financial problems plus during that time, MARA has stopped to give scholarships to students due to few conflicts. Political and financial conflicts, idk. So, I decided to continue my study here, in University Malaya. But it is okay because UM just ranked as the 87th top university in the world! *celebrates again*

Did I join any project when I was in PASUM? Yes, I did join several projects while I was in PASUM. I'd like to encourage those who are entering PASUM to join and learn as much as you can while you were here. Because through these projects, you will create more and more beautiful memories with your new friends and your significant other? *tiber hahah
Kinda miss these peoples. Hope we all can meet together again!
That's all from me. Hope you guys will enjoy your PASUM life as much as I do. If you have any questions about PASUM, feel free to ask in the comment section and I will answer as much as I can. Will share about my internship experience in the next post soon. Later!

6:48 PM

Travelogue: Melaka

Travelogue: Melaka
It has been a while since I went out for a trip with my friends. Despite all the emotions conflicts along our trip - 'cause you know we were going out with girls 🖑, I can say that this trip was a success! From Friday afternoon to Sunday night, there won't be any single moment I don't cherish.

On our first day, we didn't do much. We just went out to eat roti terbang and asam pedas claypot for our dinner and had supper at Justberrys Dessert House, Melaka and then we rest for a long day of tomorrow.

I've been to Melaka few times with my family but as far as I remember, never once in my memory, my dad brings me to the A'famosa fort. So, my friends took me to the A'famosa to satisfy my craving. Although some say that there is nothing inside the A'famosa, it is just a building - Apparently, that is what my dad told me when I asked him to take me to A'famosa. But it wasn't nothing for me. We took a lot of photos and videos there.

Even though some say that Afamosa is just a small part of a mere fortress, I believe it does have their own sentimental value especially to those who love history.

I know this is weird but I can't help relating this huge ship to Titanic 😹. So welcome to the Maritime Museum of Malacca. That huge ship was said as a replica of Portuguese ship named Flor de la Mar. This ship was used to carry loot plundered from Malacca and sank off at the coast of Malacca when it was on its way back to Portugal. After spending one night here, I heard that there is The Pirate Adventure in Malacca and it is also one of the attractions in Malacca, unfortunately, we didn't get chance to go there as it is open at 7 pm.

What is Malacca without Pantai Klebang? We went to the Pantai Klebang Beachfront in the evening to watch the sunset and went again the next afternoon (yes, AFTERNOON) to the Pantai Klebang Sand Dunes.

Because she really wants to take this kind of pose so bad. So lemme help
As for the Pantai Klebang Sand Dunes, it is popular for a perfect photography shoot, be it an amateur or professional. We thought we were crazy enough to have a photoshoot at the sort of; desert in the afternoon, but as soon as we arrived there, lol there were bunches of people as crazy as we are. We took photos and even shot an 'Ayat-ayat Cinta' music video.
Desir pasir di padang tandus

Segersang pemikiran hati
You can watch our first music video on my instagram's highlight. HAHA

Casababa Gallery

Actually, our first intention is going to the Casababa Museum, but on our way to the museum, we found this gallery and asked what is the difference between the gallery and the museum to the person in charge here. With the price RM 1 less to the museum, and we can try on their cloth and pictures are allowed so we decided to come here instead. After 20 minutes of commentary on Casababa, we put the Nyonya Clothes on and took pictures.

This is the only proper picture we have. Others are sooo 🙅. But for those who want to do documentary videos here especially for Ethnic and TITAS assignment, I'd love to recommend here.

As for the food, Malacca has so many foods that go viral on the internet. We tried a lot of restaurants here. Asam Pedas Claypot, Roti Terbang, JustBerry's Dessert House, Roti Canai Kayu Arang Melaka, Roti Canai Kak Ro, Kuih Keria Melaka, Coconut Shake Pantai Klebang and Mee Besen. But if you ask for my recommendation, I'd love to say I love the Mee Besen the most! And actually I even took the picture of them but when I searched it back in my gallery, it is nowhere to be found.

So that is the wrap up the trip of me and my bawangs. Will write more in future. Later.

10:21 PM

There are still good people out there - Living with us

There are still good people out there - Living with us
This post title makes me feel like writing a science-related article😂. You guys know what, I have like 3 pending lists of what I want to write on my blog. But time, never allows me. 

3rd April 2018
It was a rainy day. The class was ended at 3, then I had a lunch together with my friends. We chatted for hours until I received a message from my dad asking me what time will I be home. Afraid to get caught in a storm, we decided to call it a day. I booked an uber to the LRT station. The fare was RM 6. I clearly remembered that I took out my money from the purse inside the car and paid to the driver. I get off from the car and rushed towards the LRT gate. As I opened my bag to take out my purse, I realized that my purse was not inside my bag. "Damn, I must be left it in that uber's car". So, I quickly called the uber driver.

"Bang, sorry bang nak tanya ada tak purse saya tertinggal dalam kereta abang?"
"Purse? Kejap eh abang cari"
A few seconds later,
"Tak de pun, dik" I flustered. Not again. It was my third time I lost my IC.
"Serius ke bang. Bang, sorry bang. Tapi boleh tak abang patah balik kejap?"

I get onto his car and searched for my purse and it was nowhere to be found. After a few minutes,
"Adik nak patah balik um ke? Cari purse?"
"Okay" Even though I was very sure that I lost my purse when I was in his car.
The rain was still coming down out there. I said thank you and get off his car but suddenly he called me,
"Dik, dik kejap. Nah" He handed me his umbrella. I confused.
"Erm, macam mana nak pulang payung ni? Abang nak tunggu saya ke?"
"Haaa, tunggulah"

I went inside the library and borrowed money from my friends and then I rushed back to the bus station. The driver parked his car at the appropriate place and stood beside his car with his raincoat. In the heavy rain.
"Jumpa tak, dik?" He asked. I shook my head.
"Ada duit tak ni nak balik? Tinggal mana? Nak abang hantarkan tak?" He asked me again. Out of concern.
"Patah balik, bang. Nak cari balik purse kat LRT mana tau jumpa"
I feel so bad because I didn't pay him this time because I have no money.

At the LRT station, I asked everyone who worked there if any of them have seen my purse at the station. Nobody answered yes. So I gave up searching for my purse and rode the LRT to the station nearby my house.

I was too scared to tell my parents so on my way to the home, I searched how much fine should I pay. It was RM 1000. Hell, I don't have that much of money so I was thinking to split up instead. 60:40 😂 Well, it was my fault anyway. So, serve me rightlah.

At the end of the LRT station, I saw my dad's car waiting to pick me up. 'Get ready with your facial expression, ain'. My clothes were soaking as I were out in the rain for hours. As soon as I opened the car's door, my dad asked me,
"Hilang purse eh?" I surprised. How the hell did he know? But still, I noded.
"Abah dah agak dah" and he laughed. HAHA

So the story behind this is actually I dropped my purse right when I get off the uber's car. And then, this aunty found my purse but she didn't know who should she refer to so she brought my purse to her home and asked her daughter to find any contact number to contact me. Fortunately, I kept my dad's office card so she called my dad. So that's how I finally found my purse back.

So in a day, I met two good and honest strangers. I find its amazing as every day through the social media (twitter especially) or daily news, we often hear a lot of negative stories. The story of betrayal and the ignorant society are the most common things. To know that these good people are really exist, even though to a stranger, it puts my heart at ease. "Ah, I can still put my trust to a stranger", "Ah, my society nowadays are not as ignorant as I thought" and to believe that there are still hopes that my future generation will be living in a better society.

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