Reasons to stay alive by Matt Haig

Trigger warnings: Suicidal Thoughts, Depression 

Reasons to stay alive is my third book by Matt Haig, and this is my favorite so far. I’m not even diagnosed with depression, but I did experience the lowest of the low. It was comforting to read others’ experiences battling depression and look back at my past. It felt like I was looking at my reflections in every page. I cried my eyes out while reading this book reminded me that I’ve actually been there and related so much to his struggles. This book, although it is short (279 pages) but his words sat me, hugged me, understood me all the hell I went through with reassurance that everything will eventually be okay. All of the books about depression (not that I read many books about depression) this is the closest to me. I am tempted to grab some more books on depression recommended from this book. 

Haig highlights that depression is different for everyone at the beginning of the book, that there is no right or wrong way to have depression. It’s just there. There is also no definitive moment to realize it is depression. It comes as a series of breakdowns and gradually sliding into depression. Haig mentions that he saw many signals leading up to his misery, but then he just ignored them. I came to realize how heavy every word and action carries. Haig had a hard time since school; he was an outcast. A few incidents of Haig brought to his breakdown; he thought himself a peculiar being, isolated himself, and drove himself to the edge of depression. While it doesn’t hurt to always be kind to others and refrain from saying mean, it’s the little things that trigger take someone right back down the hole they were almost out of. Maybe it is there all along. You never know what someone is going through. 

Haig mentions his wife, Andrea, then-girlfriend a lot in his book, who’d stay by his side to share his pain and vulnerable part of him. Honestly, it wasn’t easy for both parties, it was hard for Andrea to take care of her mentally ill boyfriend, and it was hard for Haig to open up his vulnerable side. If they were me, I wonder I would do the same. 

One particular section that really got me is that depression heightened our emotions. The intensity explores things with relentless curiosity and energy that otherwise wasn’t there. Abraham Lincoln always suffered from depression. He lived alongside it and never entirely overcame it but achieved great things. Mental health doesn’t define us, and we do things not despite having it lurking there because it pushes us forwards in ways we don’t even know. This is so true when I look back to when I had the experience of anxiety; it brought out the sensitive side in me. People always say that pain becomes necessary for development; yes it’s cliche, but one day, we will look back on those times and see, “These had led me to where I am now, even though it has been the hardest journey but because without it, I wouldn’t be who I am.” Maybe that’s just how it works. 

I also love the part of Haig asking netizens on social media who have experienced depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts their reasons to stay alive. There are almost 50 answers, and it made me realize it’s the little things that keep them going. Yoga, children, the undiscovered country, the surgeons that worked so hard to give them the future they deserved, sunny mornings, possibilities of futures, and cats. 

In Malaysia, approximately one in three suffer from mental health. Women are more likely to be diagnosed with depression and attempt suicide, but male suicide rate is several times higher than females. I am also interested in knowing why millennials have a higher depression rate than prior generations. Is social media to blame? Or it’s hard to keep up in this era of modernization, digitalization, and fast-paced culture? 

 What’s your thought on this? What are the reasons that keep you going?