The Day I Finally Rode Out

This Labour Day wasn’t just another public holiday, it was a milestone. After months of delays, uncertainties, and countless “maybe next times,” I finally went on my first outride. Even though my annual leave was rejected, even though it meant I might not get any sleep the night before and would have to work the same day after the outride, even though I was nervous about whether I could handle the hyperactive peony, Dahlia—it was all worth it. What followed was something deeply personal, healing, and unforgettable. So yes, this one deserves its own space here.

At first, things didn’t go as smoothly as I had hoped. Dahlia, the peony I was riding, flat-out refused to canter during the first half of the loop. I was honestly quite disappointed, half thinking maybe the moment I’d been looking forward to for so long was going to fall flat. But when she started to canter, the view, the exhilaration, the wind rushing past - it was everything. My adrenaline spiked, and I could feel the dopamine rush through me. It was one of those moments that makes your heart feel full and your soul light.

People ask me, "How have you managed to stay so consistent with horse riding classes?" I usually answer, "Probably because I don’t have to pay for it, the stable is just 15 minutes from my house - so it doesn’t take much effort to go, even on lazy days. And the coach is super encouraging. But I’m far from talented."

But if you asked me on a deeper level, I'd say this: horse riding is my safe space. It’s the one place where I’m not afraid to fall. I’ve fallen countless times, but I never stopped riding. I know I can just get back up again.

I don’t have to be, or pretend to be, perfect all the time. It’s okay to make stupid mistakes, because everyone does. There’s no pressure to compete with anyone. It’s just me, the horse, and my coach. The other riders support me, often helping to make up for my mistakes.  I don’t feel threatened by anyone here. They help, they cheer, they make space for growth. And in this space, I never feel judged or left behind.

So yeah, this outride wasn’t just a ride, it was a reminder of why I keep showing up, week after week, even on the hardest days. People sometimes ask me where I usually ride, and I always pause before answering. It’s not that I don’t want to share—it’s just that this place means a lot to me. Maybe that makes me a bit of a gatekeeper, but I intend to gatekeep my safe space forever. And for now, I’m happy to keep this little slice of peace just for myself.

24 Life Lessons I Learned in 2024

2024 has been a rollercoaster for me. After spending two years in quarantine back in 2020, I’m still adjusting to this new world—new colleagues, a new workplace—it’s all so overwhelming. Everything feels dramatic, and everyone seems so different. Sometimes, I feel like I’m the only one struggling to catch up, painfully aware of how far behind I am. It’s like battling imposter syndrome as a grown-up. 

A friend once told me, “You look so happy; it seems like everything’s going great for you.” But let’s be real—who actually shares the ugly parts on social media? There were times when it felt like my entire world was crumbling, and I even caught myself wishing everyone else had a life as messy as mine. I ended up in a circle of people I never imagined being around, and it took months to find my footing. I met someone, went through a heartbreak, and I’ll never forget the days when I sat at my office desk, feeling like my life was falling apart, unable to stop crying. 

But amidst the chaos, I was fortunate to meet some incredible friends—people who brought me hope and reminded me that life is so much more than its struggles. Their kindness and connection were like a light cutting through a tough year. They taught me that it’s okay to take my time figuring out how this adult world works and reminded me of the countless blessings Allah has granted us to enjoy, instead of fixating on things beyond our control. They gave me the space to process my emotions and the courage to face the next day. What seemed like small gestures to them made a world of difference to someone like me who was struggling. I also learned to turn to Allah without hesitation—seeking His forgiveness, His help, and His guidance to keep me on the right path. Books became a source of comfort too, offering practical life tips that I’m trying to apply so I can make the most of my 20s instead of letting them slip by. 

So, here’s a list of life lessons I’ve carefully curated in my journal—insights I’ve gained throughout the year. And as the days go by, the list continues to grow.

Personal Growth & Self-Development 

1. Never rely on humans; they are flawed, and you’ll end up disappointed. 
2. Find solace within yourself—that’s what draws people to you. 
3. Be active and explore your life. It’s never too late to try something new. 
4. Sticking to your comfort zone won’t help you grow. True progress comes from embracing challenges and overcoming discomfort. 
5. One time Focused deep work without distraction >> multi-tasking
6. Failure is a normal part of life. It doesn’t define you—it’s part of the journey to becoming a better version of yourself.

Health & Wellness 

1. Replace junk food with healthier snacks. 
2. Sad to report that jogging is incredibly beneficial in your late twenties. It helps regulate your mood, provides mental clarity, and boosts stamina. 
3. Always start your day with plain water—before reaching for coffee or anything sugary.

Relationships 

1. Don’t let fear stop you from expressing love; it’s the key to forming deep, meaningful connections. 
2. After expressing your love, don’t be afraid to step back if the relationship doesn’t align with your values. Don’t force what isn’t meant to be. 
3. When your heart aches, pray for Allah to replace the pain with greater blessings. As mentioned in one hadith: Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allah, He will replace it with something better. 
4. Don’t take things personally. When people speak negatively to you, they’re often projecting their own insecurities. 
5. Don’t get defensive when people offer unsolicited advice. They may mean well, or they might just want to feel superior. Either way, say, “Thanks for your concern,” and move on. 

Productivity 

1. Make a bucket list every year and try new things. It’s a great way to feel accomplished, boost confidence, and enjoy the process. 
2. Finish what you start. When you feel like giving up, remember: it’s better to fail trying than to regret not doing anything. People with grit always see things through. 

Spiritual

1. Make your good deeds visible. Spread kindness until it becomes the norm. 
2. Bad people and tough situations will come your way. Instead of wasting energy on anger, focus on your well-being. Hardships are tests from Allah and opportunities for rewards. Take them as lessons, reflect, and move forward. 
3. إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا holds true when you recognize blessings rather than focusing only on difficulties. Gratitude leads to more blessings, as Allah promises: لَئِن شَكَرْتُمْ لَأَزِيدَنَّكُمْ
4. Shift from a victim mindset to being proactive, as Allah admonishes weak resignation, as mentioned in the Quran verse 4:97
   

   They reply: "We were weak and oppressed on earth". The Angels ask: “Was not the earth of Allah vast enough for you to emigrate therein?"

Financial  

1. Hold off on impulsive shopping urges. Invest in one high-quality item instead of buying cheap, low-quality things that are often unethically made. This supports a minimalist, sustainable lifestyle. 
2. You don’t need fancy coffee every morning. The caffeine at the office pantry works just fine. Save that money for something worthwhile.
3. Don’t hold back when it comes to investing in your dreams and future goals—it’s always worth it! Want to level up your skills? Go ahead and buy that course. Thinking about getting a coach? Hire one. Setting aside a small part of your salary each month and spending it on things that bring you closer to achieving your dreams is far better than giving in to unnecessary shopping urges.

These are the 24 life lessons I’ve learned in 2024, and I’m deeply grateful to Allah for giving me the chance to experience and grow from them. May He bless us all with even more blessings and rizq in 2025. What are the lessons you’ve learned this year?

2024 in Review: What I Achieved and What’s Next

We’re at that time of year again—the season to look back on the past twelve months and prepare for what’s ahead. Reflection has always been one of my favorite rituals, helping me see how far I’ve come and set a clear direction for the future. 

Sometimes, it’s easy to feel like life is so stagnant and that you are stuck, in a loop, but when you take a step back and focus on what you’ve achieved, even the smallest wins stand out. One way I’ve found to track my growth is by creating a bucket list. It’s not just about ticking off goals; it’s about boosting my self-esteem and celebrating progress, no matter how big or small. I like to think that someday, my 50-year-old self will read this and feel proud of the intentionality I put into my twenties. For 2024, I'm all for being more productive, less anxious, and fostering a healthier emotional state.  

Volunteer with Teach for Malaysia (TFM)

One of my proudest moments this year was joining a three-month volunteer program with Teach For Malaysia. I taught three 11-year-old students, and balancing this commitment with night shifts was no easy feat. It tested my patience at every turn, as I shared in my previous post. Teaching children requires a tremendous amount of adaptability, and there were days when I questioned whether my efforts were making a tangible difference. However, I want to believe that this small effort had a lasting impact on their futures. I hope that the lessons and support I provided will serve these students well in the years to come, and the experience itself has left me with valuable insights about perseverance and the importance of contributing to meaningful causes.

 

Hiking

This one’s a big check! I hiked Bukit Kembara and had the best time soaking in the greenery, snapping stunning photos, and reconnecting with nature. It was such a refreshing experience. Hiking also gave me an opportunity to reflect, clear my mind, and embrace the beauty of the outdoors. I’m already making a list of new trails to explore next year, and I can’t wait to challenge myself with longer, more adventurous hikes that will push my limits while providing the same sense of tranquility.

Horseback Riding 

Partially checked. I completed ten classes and, unfortunately, fell off the horse twice. Despite the setbacks, I learned a lot and had so much fun. While I couldn’t join the year-end outride trip as planned, it’s definitely something I’m aiming for in 2025.

Traveling 

Checked and thriving! This year has been filled with incredible opportunities as I visited three amazing countries: Spain, Portugal, and India. I also had the joy of being part of a dear friend’s wedding in Terengganu, where I was honored to stand by her side as a bridesmaid. Additionally, I enjoyed a lovely birthday getaway in Langkawi, soaking in the breathtaking views and refreshing coastal vibes.  While I didn’t make it to Singapore or Indonesia as I had hoped—especially to attend the international book fair in Jakarta and explore all the charming bookstores—I can’t help but imagine myself next year, wandering through bookstore aisles, uncovering literary treasures, all while enjoying the lively local atmosphere. I’m excited to make 2025 even more memorable by embracing new adventures and those I’ve dreamed of for so long!

Read 50 Books 

Checked! While not every book made it onto my Goodreads account, I made sure to keep track of my reading manually. I've been exploring a variety of genres, including self-help, spiritual insights, and mystery fiction. Each book offered a unique perspective and often provided the clarity I needed during uncertain times. Some highlights this year include: Tasawuf Modern by Hamka, Where the Crawdads Sing—a beautiful masterpiece by Delia Owens, and Budak Beca by Pak Sako. Looking ahead to 2025, I’m excited to dive deeper into works that tackle life’s challenges through an Islamic lens. If you're on Goodreads, I’d love to connect and exchange book preferences! Do you have any recommendations? Please share them in the comments—I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!

Join a Fun Run Program 

Checked! Running 5km on weekends or rest days became my go-to stress reliever. I even joined a fun run organized by @scorexperience— and it was exhilarating! Running not only boosts physical fitness but also offers mental clarity and a sense of achievement. I’m already looking forward to more and longer distances charity runs, next year. It’s a hobby that I’m keen to nurture, hoping to challenge myself with a half-marathon someday, probably ten years in the future.

Rock Climbing

Absolutely checked! This has truly been one of my favorite highlights of the year. Rock climbing has been on my bucket list since the start of the year, and the rush of adrenaline I felt was incredible. The sense of accomplishment was out of this world and made even the toughest workdays feel so much more manageable. As for what’s next on my journey? I can’t wait to earn my climber’s certification in 2025! 

Learn Piano

Not quite checked. I’ve been on a bit of a journey with learning! I started to pick up some basic chords and even gave one song a try, but I found self-learning to be a bit more challenging than I had expected. I stopped learning in March and haven't touched the piano since then. It seems like I need a personal coach to make steady progress because I’m struggling to do it alone. 😢

Eat Healthier

Checked! While it may not match everyone’s idea of healthy, I can definitely say it’s a step up from last year! I’ve become more mindful of what I eat—I've cut back on sugary drinks and say goodbye to fancy coffees. Honestly, who needs those overpriced coffees when there's delightful free espresso waiting in the office pantry? Plus, I’ve traded in junk food for fresh fruits and started enjoying proper, nutritious meals!

This year, I also learned the phrase “mager” which is short for malas gerak in Indonesian, as it perfectly describes my introverted side so well. My used to ideal weekends are spent reading, journaling, doing chores, or catching up with friends one-on-one. But stepping out of my comfort zone—whether hiking, rock climbing, or trying out new things—gave me a sense of fulfillment that nothing else could. It’s that kind of exhaustion that leaves your heart full and happy.

Bismillah to stepping into 2025 with determination, confidence, and a willingness to embrace new challenges. I aim to prioritize personal growth, financial mindfulness, and healthier habits. As I close this chapter on 2024, I’m excited for the adventures and accomplishments awaiting me in the new year. Here’s to making 2025 a year of transformation and fulfillment!

Teaching and Learning

Ever since my student days, I was always the go-to person for helping my peers with their studies. I thought I was a natural teacher - I explained things clearly and had all the patience in the world. This year, volunteering was at the top of my bucket list, so when I saw an ad on social media for tutoring, I was thrilled. Tutoring felt like second nature to me, and I’d been wanting to give back in this way for a long time.​

So, I began my teaching volunteer program. But I quickly learned that teaching is a whole different ballgame. That first month was pure chaos. I struggled to simplify my explanations to match the kids' level of understanding. Every student had different needs, and I had to adapt my teaching methods accordingly. And then there’s the challenge of keeping kids focused. They get distracted so easily, tire out after just a few questions, and constantly ask to go to the bathroom. To top it off, other students would interrupt our lessons, and I had to handle those who liked to talk back. The most disheartening part? Seeing my students struggle with their tests despite all my efforts. It felt like my words were falling on deaf ears, and I began questioning why I was even there. That’s when it hit me - teaching is not for everyone, especially someone with a temper - like me. The respect I have for teachers has skyrocketed. 

Did all of this get me down? Absolutely. My motivation took a nosedive. I no longer looked forward to teaching; it seemed like none of the students were grasping anything. Preparing lessons felt like a chore, and creating assessments became a headache.

I questioned whether backing out was the right choice, but what is growth without its share of pain. It’s through these challenges that we truly develop. My supervisor always reminds us at the end of our session: teaching is also a form of learning, and ​ I've learned a great deal about patience and adaptability. I started incorporating more interactive activities to keep the kids engaged. Seeing them respond positively to these new methods was such a highlight. My students began to participate more actively, which was incredibly rewarding.​ 

Recently, new volunteers joined, including two who are now co-tutors with me, which is a great help to me. Seeing them go through the same challenges I faced just a month ago has really made me think about my own journey. It’s a nice reminder of how much I’ve grown. I’ve also noticed how effortlessly I’ve bonded with my students over time, so much so that the progress felt almost invisible. It’s pretty cool to see how far I’ve come. 

This three-month journey has really taught me patience and how to connect with people outside my usual circle. I can’t wait to keep making a difference, one lesson at a time!

Habits I adopt to become the best version of myself

Hey everyone, fellow journeyers on the path of self-improvement! Today, I'm spilling the beans on my personal quest for transformation. So grab a seat and get ready, because we're about to dive deep into the habits that are helping me level up into the best version of myself!  

1. Rise and Shine
   After rolling out of bed post-subuh prayer, it's all about setting the mood right. I carve out a little me-time to dive into things that make me happy. Whether it's scribbling in my journal to plan out the day, diving into a good book, or simply savoring a cup of coffee, it's my secret recipe to have a slow and peaceful start before getting to work.
2. Healthy Hacks
   Cutting down on sugar, guzzling gallons of water to stay hydrated, and throwing in a brisk walk are my daily non-negotiables. Engaging in regular exercise that you enjoy not only improves your physical health but also boosts your mood and reduces stress. And guess what? I've even dipped my toes into the world of horse riding! Sure, it was a rocky start, trying to decode what my coach was rattling on about. But once I saddled up and synced with my noble steed, the thrill was beyond words! I'm now planning to subscribe for a gym membership. 
   

   

   
   
3. Journaling
   Journaling has been my trusty sidekick since forever. It's my go-to practice for keeping my sanity intact. I jot down everything from daily plans and weekly goals to rearranging my schedule when life gets a bit messy up there. One of the things I adore about journaling is that it's just between me, myself and I. No judgment, no filter – just pure, unadulterated honesty. Currently, I keep five journals, each serving a different purpose in keeping my thoughts organized and my mind clear. 
4. Like-Minded Community
   Ever feel like you're speaking a different language from your colleagues? Yup, been there, done that! That's why I'm all about surrounding myself with like-minded souls. As my counselor beautifully put it, you're the guardian of a garden. Your friends are the ones helping you tend to it, nurturing those precious blooms. And if someone's out there with a weed whacker instead of a watering can, it's up to you to show them the garden gate! I always make time for heart-to-heart chats and am open to meeting new friends who share my passions. Whether it's bonding over a love for books, geeking out about hobbies, or just vibing on the same wavelength, these connections keep my garden blooming with positivity. Have a folk that gets you? Priceless.
5. Podcast Therapy
   You know, there are times in life when we just feel so sluggish. What I usually do is tune in to a podcast while driving. But not just any old podcast – I'm talking about ones that dive right into the same struggles you're dealing with. And let me tell you, there's a real sense of comfort in hearing others hash out those same issues. It's like chatting with a friend who totally gets it, minus any of the awkward pauses. So, next time you're feeling a bit meh, why not give podcast therapy a spin?
6. Skincare Ritual
   So, I'm kinda into the whole skincare scene lately – still a rookie, but playing around with different products has been a blast! There's something about that morning glow-up that just puts a pep in your step, you know? And it's not just skincare – I've been having fun trying out new makeup looks, too. It's a vibe, really! Currently obsessed with The Ordinary Glycolic Acid 7% Exfoliating Toner and Illiyoon Ceramide ATO Concentrate Cream – they're total game-changers! 
7. Reciting Qur'an
   Starting your day with prayer and reciting the Qur'an can truly set the tone for a different kind of day. It keeps you grounded and centered, ready to tackle whatever comes your way. The key is to understand the message by reading the translation. 
8. Bookworm Vibes
   Reading has taken a bit of a backseat in my life lately compared to previous years. But I still carve out some precious time each day to dive into a good book. If anything, it's my go-to for finding peace in the chaos. It's like hitting the refresh button on my energy levels, especially after a draining day of socializing. Being the introvert that I am, my battery tends to run low pretty quickly. So, during my breaks at work, you'll often catch me with my nose buried in a book, recharging my batteries for the next round.  

So, there you have it, peeps – my toolkit of habits that are propelling me towards becoming the best version of myself. Who's up for joining me on this epic adventure of self-discovery? Let's dive in and make some magic happen!

on Performing Umrah

I went to perform Umrah a couple of months ago. But I have been pretty busy with life, study, exam, work and adamant to not give up on my reading goals so it stays as draft for months. Exam wasn't over yet but here I am dusting off my blog and give it a proper update.

When I first heard about my family’s plan to perform Umrah, I was reluctant to agree. I feel like I was not ready, physically and spiritually. A few months before the trip, my sister and I had a lot of talks over this matter. We both weren’t excited to shop around for Umrah. Not feeling motivated, I packed my 12-day trip three days prior the day.
 
Throughout the trip, Zulkifli Hasan, Yasmin Mogahed, Prince Ghazi, and Dr. Bilal Philips have served me as a great company. Strange how books can change your judgment. I finished the whole book of Islam di Barat Muslim di Timur written by Zulkifli Hassan on the eight-hour flight, where the writer shared his experience of spending Ramadhan in two Holy cities warmed my heart. Allah has invited me, and it was an opportunity that might not happen twice. Why not forsake my stubbornness this time, bite the bullet to rebrand myself, and go all out in performing the ibadah. And I did, on the way to Jeddah, with a new resolution.
 
In the sight of Kaabah, Yasmin Mohaged, through her book, Healing the Emptiness, taught me to move on and let go of the past. One saying that stunned me was that we are too holding on to our past because we’re idolizing our past. I always knew that as humans, our knowledge is limited and that Allah knows better but knowing that we dwell on our past because we’re fantasizing about them gives me a new point of view. Yes, nothing is perfect in this Dunya. The past that we regretted so much that we wished we could change and would choose differently will always be flawed, not as perfect as we imagined, and Allah knows better in everything than we thought we knew well. Every time I looked back on my past, it always hit me how stupid I was and how I wish I had been wiser, but then, nothing consoled me as much as Prophet Muhammad did through his hadith:
 

"... If anything befalls you, do not say, 'if only I had done such and such' rather say 'Qaddara Allahu was sha'a fa'ala ( Allah has decreed and whatever He wills, He does.' For (saying) "If" opens (the door) to the deeds of Satan.'" (Sahih, Sunan Ibn Majah 79)

It is ironic and tragic when we have something, we often focus on the negative parts of it and ignore the positive. Then we lose something, we do the opposite: we fixate on, and exaggerate, the positive aspects. Both habits are unhealthy; the first habit leads to ingratitude and unhappiness when we have something. And the second habit leads to delayed healing when we lose it. - Yasmin Mogahed, Healing the emptiness

 

My favorite moment throughout the trip was spending time at Masjidil Haram & Masjidil Nabawi while waiting for the Subuh prayer. Muazzin’s call was one hour before Subuh to wake the locals, but we woke up one hour and a half before so that we didn’t have to fight for space during Subuh. Battling with my inner self to lift the blanket and get off bed was one of the hardest battles of my life due to our packed schedule and late-night sleep. We were beyond exhausted. I fell sick due to the weather, and the side effects of consuming pills to delay my menstrual made it even worse, but once my foot entered these two holy mosques, those battles felt insignificant, time stopped and it turned out to be one of many magical moments in my life. How I was not interested in anything outside the four walls of that Masjiidil Haram-not my work, not my future, not my past. Everything that worried me became trivial. It just me and Allah. Nothing else matters. And I pondered, everything that I struggled for years became trivial when I spent 12 days in these two holy cities, what more in afterlife. Everything was just serene and I wouldn’t get that elsewhere. The tranquility I longed for every day when I was back in Malaysia. Towards the seventh round of tawaf wida’, I felt the ache that every Jemaah feels at one time or another, to preserve every second, to lock in for all eternity the sight of Kaabah.

 

Dealing with other Jemaah from all different countries wasn’t a pleasant experience. Despite that, choosing to perform Umrah as the first country to visit right after the pandemic is over is the best decision ever. I’m honored to be invited by Allah and visit His two Holy cities, and He never gets tired of my visit. May Allah grants us rizq and His Blessings and choose us to be one of His servants to perform Umrah insyaAllah.