When I first learned about your passing, I thought it was a dream. It didn’t feel real. It couldn’t be real. I hoped it was someone else with the same name. But seeing everyone started posting and texting me about you, the truth finally hit me. You really are gone.   

Who would’ve thought I’d be visiting your hometown now that you’re no longer here? I took the day off to see your wife and offer some comfort. If learning about your death crushed me this much, I can’t imagine how your wife feels. I visited your grave. Standing there, the heavy truth finally sank in. The moment I poured water over your grave, my tears wouldn’t stop. You’re gone. Truly gone. I cried all the way back home, and the thought of never seeing you again broke me. 

Four years of knowing you. You were that one friend who understood me whenever I complained, the one who always knew what was on my mind without needing me to speak out, who understood every language I spoke. You were the one who cheered me up and helped me through everything. If you hadn't been my close friend, it wouldn't have been this painful. If you hadn't been a kind person, I would've cared less. If your death had been because of sickness, I would've prepared beforehand. But, who would’ve thought your life would end at just 30?

Death makes us reflect on what we’ve been chasing in this world, reminding us that nothing we gain here follows us to the next life. Death teaches us that life is short, to live fully and without regrets. Because regret is the prison of life. Death makes us ponder how we should live for the rest of our time. 

Days passed, but the heaviness stayed. I tried to act fine, to laugh and smile at work like nothing happened. My colleagues did the same. We all carried the same weight, but sharing smiles and laughs with each other somehow made the pain more bearable. Still, every road we once passed reminds me of your absence. I still can’t shake the memory of seeing you just days before you passed. The thought of it haunts me. If we had known your time was down to mere hours, would we have said anything differently? I wish we could have had one last chat, like we always did, one last moment of closure. I keep replaying all the kindness you showed me and realizing how little I did in return. But that’s the thing about death; it gives no warning. It comes quietly, as it eventually will for all of us. ​ 

I pray that Allah forgives your sins and shortcomings and rewards you for all the good you shared with others. May He grant strength and patience to your wife, family, and everyone who loved you, and may they find peace and comfort in this test.


Sincerely, 
Your forever grateful friend.