ainsoofiyah

Hey there, I hope I'm not too late for my monthly book review. I had a great reading month in January, finishing ten books in total, and I am excited to share my reads with you. Let's hope the year continues just like that!

I bought this pretty Chiltern Edition at Bookxcess at RM 50 and I have no regrets, I swear! When I read Sense and Sensibility, I can now understand why people are so disappointed with Mansfield Park and Northanger Abbey and rate them low. While I thought these two books were good, Sense & Sensibility set the bar so high for Jane Austen. I love the love, relationships, and marriage tribulations of the Dashwood sisters and the contrast between them as the central theme of the novel. Personally, the oldest, sweet and precious Elinor feels emotionally closer to me than spunky and dramatic Marianne. No doubt, I will return to this beautiful novel again and reread it more than twice or thrice. 

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐/5 

A book about books. Began by discovering a list of books with the heading "Just in case you need it," finding the connections through reading and changing the perspective and the view of the world through a book. Lovely. There are many books from the list I haven't read yet, and now I'm excited to read The Kill a Mockingbird just to feel the same joy as the characters did. Might make one booklist to live by for myself. 

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐/5 

A memoir of Tara brought up in survivalist Mormons in an isolated homestead, under a mountain in rural Idaho, and very much 'off the grid.' Tara and her siblings had no formal education and no official birth certifications. Instead of going to the hospital, her mother/herbalist cared for them with alternative remedies. Her first proper education was when she was 17. She got into Brigham Young University after studying independently for the ACT exams, eventually furthered her study at Cambridge and Harvard, and earned her Ph.D. However, it was frustrating to watch her sometimes, to visit her manipulative and abusive family, despite their constant rejection, to seek her family's approval.

Trigger Warnings: Domestic violence, emotional abuse, religion-based abuse, child neglect 

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐/5 

This is my third book favorite by Matt Haig by far. A journey of Haig battling with his depression, and I cried my eyes out while reading this book. It reminded me that I've actually been there and could relate so much to his struggles. His words sat me, hugged me, understood me all the hell I went through, and reassurance that everything will eventually be okay. All books about depression (not that I read many books about depression) are the best book. I am tempted to grab some more books on depression recommended from this book. You can read my full review here. 

Trigger Warnings: Anxiety, depression, suicide & suicidal ideation

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐/5 

This book is about a cafe where you can travel back time, with few conditions, you can never change the present, there is only one particular seat and cannot move from that seat. I can imagine the cosy vibes of the cafe while reading this book; the four different people sitting on the designated seat, sipping the hot coffee, travelling back time, meeting people from the past, and undoing their regrets. Made me wonder where would I go if I had the chance to travel the time. If such a cafe does exist, would you take the chance and travel back time? If yes, where would you go?  

My rating: ⭐⭐⭐/5 

I didn't realize ten books was a lot until I wrote my monthly book review. Phew, quite a lot. I constantly told myself that there is no need to rush in reading, and it is okay if I take a week to finish a book. But I'd still end up reading a book within two or three days and get too excited to pick up the next book.

How about you? What you read in January?

Trigger warnings: Suicidal Thoughts, Depression 

Reasons to stay alive is my third book by Matt Haig, and this is my favorite so far. I’m not even diagnosed with depression, but I did experience the lowest of the low. It was comforting to read others’ experiences battling depression and look back at my past. It felt like I was looking at my reflections in every page. I cried my eyes out while reading this book reminded me that I’ve actually been there and related so much to his struggles. This book, although it is short (279 pages) but his words sat me, hugged me, understood me all the hell I went through with reassurance that everything will eventually be okay. All of the books about depression (not that I read many books about depression) this is the closest to me. I am tempted to grab some more books on depression recommended from this book. 

Haig highlights that depression is different for everyone at the beginning of the book, that there is no right or wrong way to have depression. It’s just there. There is also no definitive moment to realize it is depression. It comes as a series of breakdowns and gradually sliding into depression. Haig mentions that he saw many signals leading up to his misery, but then he just ignored them. I came to realize how heavy every word and action carries. Haig had a hard time since school; he was an outcast. A few incidents of Haig brought to his breakdown; he thought himself a peculiar being, isolated himself, and drove himself to the edge of depression. While it doesn’t hurt to always be kind to others and refrain from saying mean, it’s the little things that trigger take someone right back down the hole they were almost out of. Maybe it is there all along. You never know what someone is going through. 

Haig mentions his wife, Andrea, then-girlfriend a lot in his book, who’d stay by his side to share his pain and vulnerable part of him. Honestly, it wasn’t easy for both parties, it was hard for Andrea to take care of her mentally ill boyfriend, and it was hard for Haig to open up his vulnerable side. If they were me, I wonder I would do the same. 

One particular section that really got me is that depression heightened our emotions. The intensity explores things with relentless curiosity and energy that otherwise wasn’t there. Abraham Lincoln always suffered from depression. He lived alongside it and never entirely overcame it but achieved great things. Mental health doesn’t define us, and we do things not despite having it lurking there because it pushes us forwards in ways we don’t even know. This is so true when I look back to when I had the experience of anxiety; it brought out the sensitive side in me. People always say that pain becomes necessary for development; yes it’s cliche, but one day, we will look back on those times and see, “These had led me to where I am now, even though it has been the hardest journey but because without it, I wouldn’t be who I am.” Maybe that’s just how it works. 

I also love the part of Haig asking netizens on social media who have experienced depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts their reasons to stay alive. There are almost 50 answers, and it made me realize it’s the little things that keep them going. Yoga, children, the undiscovered country, the surgeons that worked so hard to give them the future they deserved, sunny mornings, possibilities of futures, and cats. 

In Malaysia, approximately one in three suffer from mental health. Women are more likely to be diagnosed with depression and attempt suicide, but male suicide rate is several times higher than females. I am also interested in knowing why millennials have a higher depression rate than prior generations. Is social media to blame? Or it’s hard to keep up in this era of modernization, digitalization, and fast-paced culture? 

 What’s your thought on this? What are the reasons that keep you going?

January was such a blessing month, met my friends and families, read good books, watched great dramas, got my booster shot, and finally a married Mimi. Though at some point, it felt like there was another month within January. Nonetheless, I am super grateful for all!